Monday, November 3, 2014

Finding my way back to Gunpla

  So it's been a while, guys. I'm not sure if any of you even read this blog anymore....haha. Geez. Time flies doesn't it? But for me, time seems to have come to a standstill. There are no new gunpla projects to look forward to, no adrenaline rush of a grand GBWC project. I am still interested in mecha, but I feel like I am looking at this hobby through a glass wall. Just looking, not participating.

Those of you who might have read an earlier deleted post sometime in May this year might know why...

    I don't really live in the house I used to call home anymore. The house where I thought I would set up my Gundam workshop for life. I still remember some 4 years ago when I first moved in, full of uncertainty, yet hope and promise. I had all kinda plans. Gundam-wise, I had wanted a proud state-of-the-art display...I wanted an industrial-finish type room where I could call my 'workshop'. Eventually I settled in and considered this sacred space (which may look like a warzone at times!) my sanctuary. Some really memorable products came out of this room - From my very first ever entry: PG Flight-type Astray, to the last GBWC monster: Morrigan. Good times, huh guys?

    I have so many memories here. Most of them, late nights or lazy weekends. I've had friends like Toymaker and Mechaman over, working relentlessly on projects or just shooting the mecha breeze. I used my display shelf for photography and even the industrial-finish walls, as backing for fashion photography. I was comfortable. Probably too comfortable.

    And then in May this year the bottom of my Gunpla world (and my WHOLE damned world also) fell out. :P Due to a brutal break-up, I could no longer call our home, home. I had to move out. Sure, the house still belonged to me and my family. But I could not go back there, and still prefer not to, because the emotional burden is simply too great. What's the big deal? Some friends have asked. Now you've got the whole house to yourself! Go crazy! Throw a Gundam party! Expand your display shelf! Bring out the airbrushes and spray in the living room! Heh. If only it were that easy, guys. If only.

    The Gundam room stands as it is. My display pieces, my toy collection, gathering dust. My tools are like ghosts of yesteryear, unused and uncleaned. A room that once used to churn out colours, is now stagnant, unproductive.

    Today, half a year later, as I am still making sense of the pieces of my life and putting everything back together, Gunpla remains a painful, yet beckoning facade of my life I don't really yet know how to confront. What's the big deal, you ask? Well I went through many months of questioning if my passion got the better of me, and kinda took over my life without me realising it. In my most regretful moments, I was 'blaming' Gunpla to a certain extent. Every project I look at reminds me of that time in my life that I was working on it. I remember all the things I was doing at that point in time, and how everything was right in my world back then. Stuff I shouldn't be hung up on now anymore, because being caught in the past gives me no way to move on into the future. Memory is a bitch ain't it? So I steered away. Yet, this had been such a big part of my life, and had given me so much inspiration and joy.

    And inspiration is something that I sorely lack these days. When I lost the urge for the hobby, I lost inspiration and the ability or need to CREATE something, which is in essence, what gunpla is about. When you agonise over a panel line, the colour of your armour, or the pose of your figure on its dio, you're trying to create something from your imagination. It's a craft. It's not just going to the supermarket to get stuff, or fulfilling your need to consume something by shopping at the mall. You actually have the power to CREATE. To see something come out from nothing, using your own hands and tools. This is the closest to playing God one can achieve, in a dramatic sense. When I walked away from all this, I guess I lost a spark in my life. I also nearly lost some friends, who came from the hobby. Thankfully, they have been understanding, and will always be close by.

    So as the months go by and I pick myself up, I'm still wondering how I can continue this hobby. There is no suitable space yet in my parent's house where I'm living. I cannot go back to my old apartment where everything was as I left it because it holds too many ghosts. At some point I would probably have to pack up all my stuff, and sell or rent out the place. That would be another hard move to make...yikes.

    Perhaps a way to start would be to begin from scratch. To start from snap-fitting again. And see where the itch to change something...some panel line or some detail...will turn into a thirst for extensive modifications...and then ultimately, inspiration that used to come so easily to me. The kind that you guys, still busy with your gunpla projects, take for granted.

    I'm still figuring it out. Wish me luck ;)


Cheong Mun said...

Hi Waylander, great to hear from ya again. I am not in a position to comment on your personal life, but know that, this fan will be waiting for you to revive your passion in this hobby
Hang in there, fiery jiayou!

Waylander said...

Thanks dude :)

Rein said...

Hey man, glad to see you're back. I love seeing your works and seeing you stop for a while kind of made me sad also, but I know we all have our reasons and I hope you're feeling better know.

Just wanna let you know that there are folks out there like myself who look forward to seeing more of your works, but you don't have to push yourself especially since you've been through something painful.

Waylander said...

Thanks Rein. Appreciate the shout-out. Hopefully I'll have more stuff to show one day soon ;)

Kaboku said...

Hi Waylander. Happy to read a new post from you. I know how hard it is to pick-up after a break up. I do hope you will feel better and will be waiting for more of your works.

Your work has been an inspiration to me. Like you mentioned in your post, take baby steps and see where it will lead you. Maybe you can start with other plamo before jumping back into gunpla.

marioalvo hermanto said...

Look mate I know you don't even know me but let me tell you something.I am a 13 Year old (14 this year) and I been into gunpla ever since i was 7! It always make me sad seeing people just stop doing gunpla,and i am not going to tell you "i hope you feel better" but instead i am going to ask you a question "What is plamo/gunpla for you ?".For me gunpla is not just a Hobby is my childhood, I am not a rich kid or have a lot of freinds i am just a sad little guy who is always either get bully or beaten up but gunpla, even my perents aren't nice to me but gunpla always makes me happy even when no one cares,even when people in my school don't even know what is it but I don't care at all. What is gunpla for you mate ?

Marioa Alvo Hermanto
From indonesia and stuying in Temasek international school

Don't stop !

Waylander said...

marioalvo hermanto, thanks man. I won't stop. Gunpla means an expression of my creativity. Without which there would be no colour in my life. I won't stop ;)